Pull up a rocker. Lets embrace granny-hood and all the insta-wisdom that comes with the title. I'm here to heap on a dose of good ole' How-To and DIY stuff I've picked up along the way - mostly from fellow rocker jockeys around the web. Plus a helping or two from countless generations of Grannies and Great-Grannies who came before me, most notably:
~ Maow, aka Mickey Maow
~ Mimmaw Kron
~ Mimmaw Hale
~ Gran-Molly
~ Granny Clampett (TV Granny, circa 1962 - 1970-ish)

Sunday, July 2, 2017

The Bump

Congratulations! You have now been growing into your body for about 12 weeks. That means you are around one-third of the way to being born.

Out here, the world you'll be born into is a little crazy. Things happen every day that make us all wonder why people do such weird things. Some things people do are very funny. Some things people do are very helpful. And then there are the things people do that make us wonder if they weren't supposed to be born as a rat, or a snake, or bug. People should all be good, but many aren't. That's for talking about another time...

Meanwhile, your parents (aka Mommy and Daddy) are all kinds of busy getting a place ready for you to live in. But first, they are taking a little vacation to the beach over the Fourth of July weekend. Fourth of July, or Independence Day, is a day where we all celebrate another kind of birthday. That day, many many years ago, a new nation was born from people who no longer wanted to be under the rule of a king that lived on the other side of a big ocean. The United States of America, or just "America", was born because those brave people endured unimaginable hardship so they could be free to live the way they wanted to, and not have this far away king tell them what to do. It is a very BIG and interesting story, how America was born - and we will read about it a lot when you get big enough to learn history.

Your parents deserve this little beach break before you grow much bigger inside Mommy's tummy. After you get bigger, it will become harder for her to travel around with you inside her. And then AFTER you are born... Oh Boy, will their lives change a whole lot! Traveling with small children can be exciting, but also it can be very exhausting. Instead of getting tipsy and having lots of fun trying to make baby brothers (or sand castles) on the beach, Mommy and Daddy will have to put their good times on hold. They will spend all their time making sure you are having big fun (and staying safe!). You might think they'd be sad about missing out on sand castles, but don't you worry, little dear. You will bring joy to them in so many other ways that they won't mind at all.

You see, when Mommies and Daddies get to hold their own baby the very first time after being born, it will be as if a light switch suddenly goes on in their hearts. It is a spot light on the part of their heart that is reserved just for their children. Once it is lit up, this love shines so strong that it can never be darkened again. It will always glow so brightly for you, and for any baby brothers or sisters that are born after you. See, I think your Mommy and Daddy will find time to make sand castles after all - when you are napping.

Right now, you don't know what light is, there in your cozy place. All you know about is moving and feeling your way around. Do you feel that long, twisty rope-like thing that is bunched up near you? Maybe you've kicked at it and felt it swish around. That is your umbilical cord. Well, actually it is Mommy's. Her body made it just for you! It connects you to her in a way where you can get all the food, water, oxygen and other cool biological things to help you grow bigger. Once you come out here, you won't need that cord anymore. But you will still always have an invisible cord like that, connecting you to that new light in your Mommy's and Daddy's heart - it will give you all the feelings of love and acceptance that you need for your spirit to grow stronger.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Kumquat

Hi there little fella, or little princess.  You're the size of a kumquat, and this week you look like a genius.  In fact, I found this picture of what you probably look like and it shows that your head is much bigger than any other parts of your body. It's about half your total size.  The baby experts say your brain is growing really fast.  I think you'll be a pretty smart kid because your Mommy and Daddy both have really good brains.

As a matter of fact, you have a lot of smart people in your family.  Your grandmothers are the smartest of all.  And Grandpas are also great.  They were smart enough to partner up with Grandmas which made your Mommy and Daddy.  Plus they can fix lots of things.  Your aunts and uncles all have special talents for doing many interesting things too.

You have a talented Aunt who takes old pieces of furniture that no one else wants, and she works on them to make them look completely different.  Then she sells them to people who want really unique furniture.  Smart stuff.  You probably have your socks and underwear in one of her drawers right now.

You have Uncles who know how to do all sorts of cool stuff like play video games, and guitars, fly planes, do high-tech military things that most of us don't understand. Smart and funny guys.   I imagine your uncles will have a lot to do with making sure you have fun!

And then there are your cousins. I remember when I was young and all the parts of my family would get together for Christmas or Fourth of July, or just to get together because families were closer back then, and we loved any excuse to hang out as a group and make memories. Those were the times I looked forward to most. I had several cousins that were great at getting into mischief when the Aunts and Uncles were distracted by arguments (which were really just excuses to laugh louder). They were so busy with good-natured bickering over who caught bigger fish, who's turn it was for a beer run, and which one of them got in the most trouble when they were young, that they didn't notice us running off down the lake shore with dozens of bottle rockets sticking out of our little pockets. The bigger cousins made us smaller cousins laugh until our sides hurt, when they created adventures that would have made their parents cringe at how unsafe it was, if they had been watching. We lived through it!

Granny K is certainly not encouraging you to plan on this kind of behavior though... I'm sure you will have much safer adventures. Nowadays, the US Government won't let us have fun like when I was a kid. Maybe they are right, come to think of it.

Anyway, so many great people make up your extended family - I could go on for pages. I am sure that you will love them all. Many great memories are just waiting to be made with them, my little dear.




Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Grape

You are about the size of a grape this week, a little bigger than a raspberry but not quite a kumquat.  You are starting to look like a tiny person, with little fingers and no more tail.  Isn't that funny, to think you started out with a tail?  Your dog Apollo would like it if you kept yours too.  That way the two of you could have a happy tail wagging contest.

Apollo is a fine specimen of dog-hood.  Your Mommy and Daddy adopted him as a little puppy a couple of years before you started growing.  He has shiny black fur, just right for your little goo-covered fingers to grab hold of.  He has long legs for fast running, and a long nose for sniffing.  He is a very handsome fellow, my grand dog.  I am sure he will work hard to guard you against little dangers while you two are having adventures.  But don't expect that he'll protect you in a thunder storm because he's a bit of Frady Cat when there's thunder around.

You don't have to worry though, because there is another dog in your house called Scout.  She will be like your Granny Dog and she is not afraid of storms.  She is also black, and has so much fur that she looks like a horizontal Wookie.  (You may not know what a Wookie is yet, but you can Google it almost as soon as you come out. Babies these days are very advanced and may even be born with texting thumbs. Not like those of us who are granny-aged and can only Google things with our pointing fingers.)  Anyway, Scout will just want to lick you.

I am sorry you didn't get to meet Angel.  She was a very weird little dog that your Mommy grew up with since she was a young girl.  Your Mommy will have a lot of funny stories to tell you about Angel!  I know for a fact that she will show you a bahzillion pictures of Angel, because your Mommy loves (L O V E S) to take pictures.  In fact, I am sure she'll have even more pictures of you!

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Grape 2

Remember I told you how much your Mommy loves to take pictures?   
Yesterday your Mommy got her first picture of you!  

Well, she didn't actually take this picture herself.  It was a picture from the doctor that Mommy and Daddy visited.  The doctor is going to help Mommy and Daddy make sure you are as healthy and strong as you can be when you finally come out to meet us all!



Thursday, June 8, 2017

Raspberry

This week you have grown to the size of a Raspberry.  This week you have two new things: eyelids and knees! Eyelids are very useful for sleeping at night, and knees are just perfect for crawling around from one place to another.  When you learn to crawl you will be able to start exploring the world around you.

This week I want to tell you more about your Mommy, or Momma.  That's what you'll call her, until you get to be a stubborn pre-adolescent and everything your Mommy says makes you roll your eyes and emit a sound like a broken siren.  It will sound sort of like "Ma-aaahmmm!.  Never mind that part of your life, though - it's a long way off and you have lots of time to practice that sound.

Back to Mommy... everyone out here calls her Sarah.  She got that name for her zero'th birthday, after she grew inside me the same way you are growing inside her.  It works kind of like Russian nesting dolls, but way more fun!  She is a truly lovely woman, inside and out.  You could not have picked a better person's body to grow inside of.  She is healthy, kind-hearted, smart, and just as sweet as a Cotton Candy Cloud.  Your Daddy loves your Mommy because she is so special, and that kind of love is why you are growing!

You may wonder what Cotton Candy is.  Children everywhere like to eat this magical treat, and I'm sure you'll be no exception.  It looks fluffy like clouds in the sky (where your Daddy goes to work sometimes) and soft as cotton (like your cozy pajamas).  When you put it on your tongue, it melts into wonderful sweetness.  You can't find it everywhere.  It is made only in special places, like the Great State Fair of Texas, for example.  Sometimes people try and get it from a grocery store where they have pushed the fluffs down inside a bag.  Don't bother with that, my little Raspberry.  You have to actually watch the cottony cloud coming to life inside a big machine that spins a sugary magic wand round and round, building up a fluffy wad the size of a balloon.

Don't worry! Your grannies, grandpas, aunts and uncles will make sure you get to eat some of the real stuff, and all the other wonderful things you can get at the State Fair, as soon as you are big enough.


Sunday, June 4, 2017

Blueberry

Hello little one.  This is your Granny K.  I'm going to be writing to you every week or so, keeping you informed of the goings on out here , while you're hiding away inside your Mommy's womb.  You may think it's kind of silly: me writing to you, since you can't even read blogs yet.  Even if you had fingers instead of flappers, you still don't really have big enough eyes to read these letters.  Right now you only have two little dots on your wavy head.  They could easily be mistaken for butterfly droppings if you were a flower, they are so tiny.  That's OK!  Granny K will read these to you some day.

So, Blueberry dear - let me tell you about you, and about this family you'll be moving in with. Let's start with you.

About your name, you don't have one yet. Your Mommy and Daddy have lots of cool names in mind for you, and they will pick one that is just right for you when the time is right. Probably when they find out if you will be a girl or boy.  So instead of an official name, for this week, I'm calling you Blueberry.  That is because a blueberry is the same size as your whole self. That's right, you are tiny!  Your Mommy and Daddy think that you only started growing a few weeks ago, so in human terms, you are practically brand new!

 Last week, before I started writing to you, everyone called you Sweet Pea. That is who you were when I first found out I will be a Granny.  That was such an exciting week that now I will always think of a sweet pea as a delightful treat!  As each week goes by, you will grow and grow, to be the size of different berries, then fruits, and then like melons, which are larger.  When you are about 37 weeks "old", you will come outside to be with the rest of your family, and that day will be your Birthday.  That will happen around January of the year 2018.  Until then, you're in a place called "gestation".  That means you get to grow inside a warm, cozy, and wonderful place that is just inside your Mommy.  That's so she and your Daddy can keep you very safe.

About your Mommy and Daddy... there are so many things to say about them that it will take a whole book by itself.  You will love living with them because they like to have fun, and they will make sure you have everything you need to grow up right.  That is the job that parents do.  It can also be a hard job because they love you so much that they will sometimes have to make sure you stay out of trouble or don't get hurt. That is very hard with growing Blueberry's because sometimes they will have to stop you from having adventures.  I won't lie, sometimes their job will make you be sad or mad, but only for a little while.  Then it's back to giggles and hugs.

Granny's, on the other hand, will make sure you have lots of toys and treats at all times!  That's my job.  And guess what else. You have lots more Grannies!  Some are called other things - like Grandpa, or Auntie, or Uncle.  All of them together are "family" and they all look forward to meeting you on your Birthday.

As you grow up, some of these family will teach you to go fishing, or fly kites, and some will play games with you, and some will just give you lots of hugs and kisses.  Family has many different jobs to do and all of them make your life happier.  We all remember how happy our Grannies made us, so we want to pass that joy on to you!


Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Nah

I just found out I'm going to be a Grandmother! I am indescribably excited. No wait that doesn't sound right. Grandmother. Grandma. Mammaw. No, maybe Meemaw. OK, let's go with an old standard - Granny. (Granny Clampitt was a righteous old gal.)

No sense deciding. My official handle will mainly depend on how the geneflake contorts its little mouth while I'm cooing at it.  If it really likes me, I'll draw a thoroughly southern title. Mimmaw. As in "Meh Mah", which was both of my sacred grandmothers' real names. Very coincidental. Or if it only tolerates my presence before it's old enough to be plied with cookies, I may just get a reluctant syllable, like Na. "Nah", a bit dismissive, but I'm a forgiving Granny.

How did I get off on this topic? I have important Granny business to discuss.
Oh God. Granification has officially begun.